This section is focused on the Inner part of our game. Inner Game is a fundamental piece of our game, it define what we are, how we feel , how we react. Because of this is really important to have a well structured inner Game beginning with Self-esteem and confidence. Woman are intuitive by nature and they know when you are lying, when you are insecure and those things affect our game. Outer Game is the verbal thing while Inner game is all the Non-verbal things that we communicate to a girl.
In this part you will find posts about Body Language, Confidence Building , Approach Anxiety and more stuff that involve Inner Game.
Lets talk a little bit about body language and how it relates to your attitude and confidence. We all know that people communicate with each other on multiple levels. But did you know that spoken words is just 7% of what we communicate? The majority of communication is done with vocal tones, vocal pitch, movement, body language and gestures. All of these things and more make up our composite body language expressions, such as: Facial expressions, voice intonation, speed of speech , how you walk, the way you carry yourself through the world, having eye contact, how fast you move, and even our breathing. You may ask why body language is so important. First, because it is how we sub-communicate with others. This sub-communication is even more important that ever before, because society has created a link between our actions and how people feel. For example, when you are in room and you feel really nervous, everyone in the room will pick up that you are nervous by your actions, tonality, and speed of your movements. Such things are very obvious, especially to children who are not preoccupied with speech as much as many adults. You can see when somebody is sad, happy, excited, honest, or angry. Look at somebody who rapidly moves his foot up and down. This guy probably can't look anybody in the eyes and is sub-communicating that he is insecure. Somebody who is hunched over, with her feet together, is subconcsiously trying to not be noticed at all.
We can find wealth of information about other people by their body language. In terms of seduction, we learn to read what females are saying on a deeper level. An outgoing woman will do the exact same to you, she could tell you a zillion things that you are projecting, just by your image. Let me quote my girlfriend here: “I can see if a guy is good in bed, just by the way he walks.” That is so true. They can tell everything about you, just by the way you look. It comes from all those years of experience of guys hitting on them. If you go out dressed like you do not care about your image at all, you probably don't care, and women will notice this. On the other hand, if you go out dressed as a socially cool guy, you probably are a pretty damn smooth dude. As for the woman, this process of screening by looks and body language is a self-defense mechanism. She really doesn’t want to hook up with some low self-esteem loser, or some boring guy who doesn’t know how to give her some fun in her life. So they screen you and try to find out as many things about you as possible in a very short period of time. Imagine, if you are a HOT girl, would you give 30 minutes of your time to each boring geek that hit on you?? No, you would give him 30 seconds and then the "F#*& off" line. This is because she already knows that he is a boring, lame-ass guy. But what if some super-ultra confident guy, who is well dressed, comes into a room, walks slowly towards a hot girl with a smile on his face, and starts a conversation with a girl? Would she reject him??
Exactly. She would not.
Now let me ask you who the really confident in our society are, the ones with an attitude larger then life. Who are they?? Rockstars, company directors, successful managers, doctors, politicians.... etc. Take a look at how they walk, how they sit, how they speak, and you'll notice something really interesting. They are totally calm, like they control TIME. They are not in hurry. The way they move and how they speak completely radiates with super-confidence.
Lets take a look at what the most common mistakes are when somebody tries to pick up a girl:
• Talking too fast (being nervous)
• Talking too much (trying to impress her)
• Not knowing what to say next (not enough practice)
• Drinking (to become comfortable)
• Asking too many questions (you create rapport too soon, but she doesn’t want your rapport unless you have attracted her first)
• Body language wrong (hands connected, feet too close, shoulders down, leaning in)
• Buying her drinks (trying to buy her over, or even worse, trying to get her drunk)
• Not being comfortable talking with strangers (social anxiety)
Does any of this radiate with any confidence??? Hell no!! Take a look and see that every action here projects INSECURITY!!
Ok, let’s correct this poor body language together. Here is list of things that you must FIX…
• Keep your hands out of your pockets.
• Stand with you feet wider apart.
• Never look down when you walk, look above th horizon
• Stand with your chest pushed outwards
• Keep your shoulders relaxed and back
• Walk confidently and slowly with bigger steps
• Take up lots of space, no matter where you are
• Pay attention to how you dress
• Always lean back.
• Touch people when you talk with them (non-sexual), because you must create conversation on all levels, not just verbal. (Later she is going to be used to your touch, and that is perfect for the pre-sex stage!)
• All your body language should be comparable in speed. For instance, moving with confidence is good, but it looks incongruent if you talk fast at the same time. One more really important thing my friend would tell you, "Pick-Up doesn't start when you approach her, it starts when you WAKE UP in morning!" and that's so true!
Let's move on to the subject of attraction:
In order to attract a woman, you must first understand why and how they think. Why the state of attraction exists, and how it happens. The easiest way to understand and explain this is through something known as 'Switches theory’. You know those on/off switches you have in your house for electricity? Now imagine you have 15 of them in one box. That's an analogy for how our minds work. Women have switches such as "Is he attractive?, is he good at sex?" on or off.
Every girl out there has a different set of switches, because it really depends on their culture, their childhood, their beliefs and their age, plus a few other minor things. However, there are some common switches you must turn ON to all girls out there.
You must be:
--A good lover
--Capable of building strong rapport
Now, those switches can be either ON or OFF. There is no value in-between... for geeks, it’s all off.
What happens when you switch on most of those switches?? Wow... she starts to be interested in you... actually... she starts to show IOIs (indication of interest). This reaction is totally normal. When she meets a guy who is funny, good looking, interesting, romantic, and not needy, she becomes interested in getting to know him better (read: sleeping with him).
Switching on these switches is what demonstrates personality to a woman. You can tell stories where you were romantic. You can hook her with interesting snippets of your life and make her ask you questions where you get to reveal your romantic side. It doesn’t matter, as long as the you flip the romantic switch to the ON position. Every story or routine you have in your arsenal is saying something to her (flipping switches.) When designing routines and stories, you need to first take a look at what you want to convey to her.
The easiest way to switch On lot of switches is through good body language, behavior, and a sense of style.
Credit to: Masters
|"There is no woman out of your league... Your the one that is putting her on that place..."|
|"A Venusian artist goes into the field night after night primarily to improve his calibration and internalize his skill-set. He's not trying to get this one girl or to 'get laid tonight.' Rather, he's practicing with the long-term goal of having a powerful social skill-set...It's like playing a video game: if your man dies, just hit the button and play again."|
Tyler Durden put it in Fight Club, "Let the chips fall where they may." Stop trying to control your outcome with chicks.
So to overcome shyness, force yourself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were... hot chicks, ugly girls, fat tubby women, senior citizens, goofy-looking men, children, families walking their golden retrievers, etc.
Talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up and seducing women.
|So how can you avoid rejection? The answer is: you can't. It isn't the solution to avoid being vulnerable. Rather, the solution is to embrace your vulnerability, to embrace rejection, and let the Field show you what is good and what is bad. Most approach anxiety is a result of imagined rejections, not real ones. Eventually, time in the Field will desensitize you to the emotion of rejection. In a game where you might play five or ten sets every night, losing a few of them here and there never really seems like a big deal.|
|Sean Newman wrote:|
You are not to go to any bars or clubs for the next month. At all. You may go to pubs with your friends, but no “sarging.” No bars. Nothing.
What you will do is make changes daily. Here’s how.
For the next month, you will take a 30-minute walk every day. Pick a neighborhood that’s easy to get to from home or work, and go there at about the same time every day. Ideally pick a place you can walk right after work. It can be a street with shops, or a park. But it must be a place where people are about.
When you are on your walk, you nod to yourself and keep repeating under your breath “I’m going to look silly but i’m going to have fun.” Just do it.
Now comes the crucial part. When you walk past a woman, ANY woman, smile, look up at her and say “Hello.” That’s it. Just greet her. She does not have to say anything back. These are the simple steps to get you out of your head.
You have that goal. Now the next thing to look for is a woman, any woman, who is not walking. Do the same thing. Walk up and say “Hello.” Wait until she says “Hello” back, then when she does, introduce yourself. She will then tell you her name, and then you immediately tell her how you take a walk every day and have conversations with friendly-looking people because you’re quite shy, and are learning how to just enjoy small talk and getting to know people.
Do NOT run any routines or anything else. Just have a conversation about how you have trouble having conversations. I want you to be totally honest and sincere. And if she joins the conversation, that’s great. Keep talking. If she has something to do that prevents her from talking, that’s fine as well. Wish her a good day and move on.
When walking past people, smile and say “Hello” to one person. It does NOT matter if they say Hello back or even look up.
The first woman you see on your walk, stop and greet her with a smile and “Hello.” Then introduce yourself politely and ask her name. When she tells you her name, tell her you like to walk every day and have conversations with friendly-looking people because you are quite shy, and learning how to be social and enjoy small talk.
Once you say that, you are free to go. You do not need to say anything else. But you are also free to stay and talk.
No matter what else happens, make sure you walk for the full 30 minutes.
Get home and keep a checklist of the things you did. One check for walking for 30 minutes. One check for everyone you greeted with a hello. One check for every woman you stopped and chatted with.
When you see you have three checks, celebrate. Go to your favorite pub and watch the game with your buds. Order your favorite food. Give yourself a high-five. Whatever. But make sure you celebrate doing it.
Give me 30 days of this, and you will have a better life. I give you my word.
Hope this help all of you out there having this problem. XF.
Approach anxiety. That incomprehensible fear that overtakes you when you want to go talk to that beautiful woman. Logically you don’t care what happens, but for some reason, your body prevents you from doing it. Here are ten tips to help handle your approach anxiety.
Breathe. The ability to relax is at the foundation of being comfortable around women. Remember to take slow, deep breaths when approaching women (and during the interaction as well.) Beyond this, there are different breathing exercises you can do like square breathing and abdominal breathing.
Walk Slowly. When you are anxious, your heart races, and slowing everything down is one of the best things you can do to calm yourself. I have found that walking around slowly helps me to calm mentally as well as physically.
Write Down Your Excuses. Whenever you want to approach but can’t, write down your excuses. Try to eliminate them one at a time. You can even keep them in your pocket as you go out.
Go Out With a Friend. If I go out at night with a friend, he and I sometimes “trade off” opening girls. He does one, then I do one, etc. If you are really determined you can pay your friend $100 and have him pay you $10 every time you do an approach.
Do ‘Warmup’ Sets. If it is during the day, you can ask a few people the time or for directions–it doesn’t even have to be a girl you’re interested in. Just getting your mouth moving helps to you to get “outside your head.” If it’s at night, before you get to the bar, you can ask five different people if a bar is good or if they know any good places for karaoke, etc.
Go To The Same Place Everyday. It helps to be in the same location and get comfortable there. Whether it’s the park or a bookstore or a specific bar, you will feel more at ease if you go there every day.
Get Moving. During the day, I prefer to go out for half an hour than just wait around for anyone I run into. I can prepare myself mentally when I go out. Also, if I don’t open any girls, I am still focusing on pickup and still staying focused.
Walk Toward Hot Girls–Even If You Don’t Open Them. This trains your body to walk toward hot girls. Like the previous tip, Get Moving, it gets your body moving in the correct direction. Sounds funny, I know, but it works!
Stop Reading! There is nothing like real-world experience. You can read all the books in the world about riding a bicycle, but you will not be able to ride one until you get on it and fall off a few times. Too much reading can be counter-productive in a lot of ways.
The 3 Second Rule. This means that you shouldn’t wait more than three seconds to approach a girl. Firstly, the longer you wait, the more anxiety tends to build up. So if you go right away, there is less chance to talk yourself out of it. Secondly, if you “hover” too long, it creeps the girl out. She notices you. However, I have found that the three second rule is a double-edged sword. Just because you see her, and perhaps even your eyes met, doesn’t mean you can’t approach if three seconds pass. You should never rule out an approach.from: http://approachanxiety.com/?p=30
One quality I see in myself and other successful PUAs is an unshakable self-confidence. This is often disproportionately high
compared to what you might expect it to be, given the person's background, looks, finances, intelligence, etc.
Self-confidence is something you can work on. At the end of the day it's just down to a set of beliefs - what the voices in your head are
saying, and sometimes how loud they say it.
I found Ross Jeffries' Unstoppable Confidence to be extremely helpful, and there are plenty of other CDs and mp3s of confidence
building hypnosis material around.
It's quite good to maintain a list of affirmations. Keep these in your phone or desktop, or even on old fashioned paper, somewhere you
can see them every day. Here are some suggestions; and I'd like to emphasize that the first one is key to success with affirmations.
* I read aloud and modify my affirmations every day
* I succeed in anything I put my mind to
* I am a strong and confident penis
* The best choice any woman could make is to be with me
* If a woman rejects me, she is just demonstrating her own bad judgment
Credit to: Magnus
I'm back I took some time for myself, to think, meditate and I wanted to stay away for a bit, so here I am after a month or more away from the community, doing some Inner Game Visualizations and some deep thoughts about game and non-game stuff such as life, and stuff.
Anyway not feeling like typing a lot if anyone wants to know what happened in this few weeks visit my blog and read for yourself (freewebs.com/xfman).
The part That I really want to share about this time I took for myself is an important point, that has to do with Inner Game, most of you guys, know by theory that Inner Game is the base of a PUA game and the base of the Outer Game, if you don't have Inner Game you don't have Outer Game, things are like this (Ask god why... ).
After studying some Social Environments, Social Situations and reading some books during my Summer Work, I realized some stuff that was standing there in front of my nose, but I never noticed it, or maybe I never thought as it was a key to many stuff.
For the ones that know me in real life (Few in this forum) they know I have this mentality, this philosophy, that says;
"Everything depend on the perspective."
"Our mind is the most powerful tool we have and it can change and modify everything."
This thoughts or ideas I have had been influenced by some books, and stuff from others, of course this ideas have been around for years, but few actually can get them in the right way and just the 5% are available to use it and apply it.
This also bring out a great lien of NLP that says;
"The Map is not the Territory" and excellent statement that has to do a lot with the things I thought. (For the non-NLP followers this doesn't have to do with Hypnosis or stuff like that, this is a common term used to say that everything (reality) is interpreted by our senses and each person, can and interpret reality in different ways.) You can click here to learn more:
This Stated I can start saying that for every knowledge there are few steps and You sometimes you don't actually do or use what you have learn , there is a process where you have to internalize all the stuff you know to make an adaptation and make it work for you in a certain situation.
The human mind is so powerful. Why a guy that leaves in extreme poverty leave so happy?
"There are no Mistakes, only Lessons." -> Once again everything is about perspectives, the way you face problems and normal situations affect you , your mind and your surroundings, if your available to see every mistake, every failure in your game, in your life, you will be becoming a better PUA.
"The stupid persons learn form their mistakes, The smart persons learn form others mistakes." -> This is a tough one , it looks easy but its not , humans tend to learn from their own mistakes and their experience rules everything, If we are available to understand that others experiences can be useful to us in a certain situation we will be a step ahead.
These is just a guide to help everyone , From the new guy, The AFC, the Veteran PUA, everybody can use this and not only as a tool to improve our game, this is a guide to Self Improve each aspect of our lives.
"If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. "
Life is much more.
The other day as I saw this video about this motivation speech in the movie ("Any Given Sunday") I started thinking that this speech is like the life of a PUA.
Let me get this thing clear before you see the video. Think about yourself as a team where you have to use Inner Game - to Success in Outer Game, where you have to create Attraction and the Comfort...
Think the transformation your going to make/or your going through/The transformation you want as being in hell as an AFC and becoming the person you want to be.
Believe that getting the opener right after practicing it in the field will be the inch by inch you need to take, to finally do something to improve yourself.
Imagine each time you Sarge you have to be willing to die to forget about what other thinks... your reputation, the social fear and stand up against that Approach Anxiety and be available to fight for that inch to open that set; and win this girl one Inch at a Time.
You have to put together all this components together all the Inner and Outer Game together to make it work as a team or your going to fail in each aspect as an individual.
Believe in yourself, and fight for what you want.
Now please tell me, What you want to do with your life. Are you brave enough to become what you want to be.. or your going to sit there and just watch others become what they want.
Go out, sarge, fail, feel nothing, and get up, that's whats life is... And what separate the good ones from the best ones.